What a week. A few exams, a few papers, a few big meetings, a few job applications. And only a few hours of sleep.

And this weekend I have a ton of work. No fun. I could use a break from school-related stress.

Tonight was our Winter Gala. It was a dance. Fun, different than our usual social events, but nothing special. But as a formal social event, thought, it immersed my classmates and I in a different environment than that to which we're accustomed: the girls in their dresses, the guys in their suits. And as the open dance floor, moments after the DJ starts playing music, everyone suddenly goes back to junior high or high school: the girls giggle amongst themselves in small groups, while the guys stand around, make loud obnoxious jokes, and look oddly uncomfortable.

Okay, maybe that wasn't exactly how tonight went. But there was undoubtedly a heightened...(split? contrast?)...diference between the two sexes tonight. That's not surprising. What did makes it weird was the fact that nearly everyone in the room -- or at least 80 percent of them -- were female.

Many of my friends have heard me recite the "6-to-1 female-to-male ratio" in my program. It's the truth. And, yes, it has its advantages:

• All of my classes are inherently interesting, even if I'm not paying the slightest attention to the course material.
  
• I have a readily available army of fashion and tell-me-what-my-date-really-meant consultants.
  
• And, yes, I get to feed my ego by demonstrating to women that I can actually cook pretty well. Or something like that.
  

Etc., etc. But there are parts of this situation that can actually make life kind of difficult, and they seemed especially apparent tonight. There were a few times tonight when I walked up to female friends and tried to join their conversation, only to realize that it was a girls-only conversation...they would change the subject, or start speaking in unusually abstract ways, etc. It wasn't an in-your-face sort of "Get out of our conversation!" exchange; instead, more of a "we'll be polite and deny that we changed the subject because you're here, but if you could give us a few minutes nonetheless that would be great" sort of feeling. It's completely understandable, at least once or twice, but it got really old the fifth and sixth times. Ugh. It's no wonder that I have lingering feelings of not making as many friends here -- or doing so as quickly -- as I expected.

Okay, that's done. Now onto the other issue that is roaming through my brain:

I can't figure out why I'm still so interested in joining the Navy after medical school.

It's not like I have to make the decision immediately. But although I'm not applying to med school right now, the Navy idea won't go away. Please realize that doesn't necessarily mean I've made the decision to join the Navy...but I'm certainly thinking about it.

Some of my friends think it's crazy. Why would I join the Navy to pay for school when I'm probably going to make $200,000+ per year once I'm out of school? Why should I put myself in harm's way, especially considering the current state of world affairs, if it's not really necessary? Wouldn't I be better off just taking out more loans for the next few years? How could I possibly have a family while trying to handle the challenges of both medical school and life in the Navy? The list goes on and on and on.

Those are all good reasons, yet I feel like I'm not hearing them now. I feel like I could learn a lot through that experience, gain some valuable contacts, pay off school, and really do something to....well, serve my country. I don't want to use Bush's favorite "patrio...." word because his use of it is really disgusting, but I'll say that some component of that idea is present in my mind.

Won't I be killing my changes of a successful medical career outside the navy? Good question. I don't think so, but I don't have any real data to back up that opinion.

Won't I have to spend long stretches of time away from my "home" -- whereever that will be -- and my family? Probably.

Shouldn't you put away this silly Navy idea and just focus on being a doctor? Perhaps. Some people will probably think this is just another instance of me trying to do too many things at once. But each time I walk through BWI and see the soldiers returning from Iraq -- there were nearly a hundred there when I came back from CA this week -- don't you think you should also do your part? Make the decision to take the hard road in the chance that you might get some really unique experiences (educational and otherwise) from that time? Don't you realize that many of those uniforms at BWI are kids younger than I am, and that they've made this commitment?

I wish I could talk to somebody about this. Someone with answers...not answers for the question of whether I should join, but instead answers about the program, the people, what it's like, where it'll take me.

Once again, I'm so happy I don't have to make this decision now. But, still, the idea persists.

Soooooo tired, as usual. Sleepytime.

Current mood: Apprehensive
Current song: REM, "Drive"