Freedom.

Stress has trapped me for the last week. Last night, a talk with a friend set me free.

I'm almost always surprised by the emotional walls that people establish to keep others at a distance. Everyone has them, obviously, but they vary so much from person to person. Last night, my friend discussed two different models for this phenomenon: either a person has many small walls that grow in importance (and degree of difficulty to get past, so to speak), or they have one enormous, nearly impassable barrier behind which much of their true personality lies. Since I fall into the former, I always have to remind myself that others aren't as easy to get to know. Or at least you can spend a significant amount of time with them, learning their habits, phrases, and mannerisms, without truly learning about them as a real, unique, opinionated individual.

My tone sounds critical, I know, but that's not my intent. Part of me just wishes it was easier to get to know these people.

Sharing joy and excitement is only half of building trust and a friendship. Strong bonds come more from expressing vulnerability, concern, and fear; the topics we don't want to admit that we deal with. In these moments we show the values and beliefs that guide our day-to-day life, not just the "daily update" of personal news that gives you a superficial awareness of another's activities but not a sense of their character.

Someone shared a personal concern with me today. Not a trivial concern about the weather, or the dining hall food, or even the stress that we all feel as the end of the summer approaches. Instead, it was a subtle invitation to step past the next emotional wall and get to know her as a person just a little bit better. We were having an abstract conversation about serious personal issues, and she volunteered a comment that related the issue to the context of her life, her beliefs, her fears. The comment flowed with the conversation we were having, so it wasn't awkward or out of place, but it was a voluntary contribution that was by no means necessary. Yet it showed a willingness to share a little of herself.

Don't get me wrong -- I don't think we need to go out and start sharing our deepest vulnerabilities and fears with each other. And definitely these issues are time-sensitive; we couldn't share all character at one time, even if we wanted to. But sharing a little bit at the appropriate time, taking the little risk of sharing your heart and mind with those around you, that's what helps build strong relationships.

4:00am. We'll see how silly this sounds when I wake up.