I wonder if I'll ever get into medical school.

Part of me thinks, "Of course you will!" My friends, parents, teachers, and coworkers have all told me that I will get in. All my friends who were premed with me at Stanford have been accepted to med school, so statistically speaking I will probably get in at some point, too.

Probably.

Part of me -- most of me, at times -- thinks that I've missed my chance.

My GPA will be hard to repair. Yes, it's possible, but I don't know if I can afford to take more time (or spend more $1000s) on science classes that will make minimal changes to my GPA. My GRE and MCAT scores show that I have the capacity to think, but it seems like the schools don't care. Getting into an MPH program would be great -- but I certainly can't expect to get in since I've been rejected from at least 30 med schools in the last 24 months. And if I don't get into an MPH program, I really have no idea what I will do. Probably sit down and really figure out some big career plans. But I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Do I really want to become one of those "finally-gets-into-med-school-at-age-32" people? I don't think so. If that's the only option I have left, then I don't really know what I want. Am I so obsessed with being a physician that I would ignore other career paths? No. But do most of those career paths require graduate school or an undergraduate-only recruiting program? Most likely.

To the audience out there in cyberspace: sorry about the whining. I'm just a little terrified of the future.

On an unrelated note, I'm going to spend most of tomorrow night (11pm until at least 4am...proably more like 6am) volunteering in the Emergency Room at San Francisco General Hospital. It's yet another attempt to distract myself from medical school thoughts.

Hmmmmm. Can't think, it's late. Just past 3am. I'm still so frustrated that I'll probably spend hours awake in bed, but I suppose I have to try. I'll probably be back here tomorrow night with some profound thoughts after my ER shift.