I'm going to miss a lot of people in DC, many of whom I don't know nearly as well as I would like. Here's a toast to missing your friends and longing to see people again....it's okay to feel bad if it's for all the right reasons. This speech reminds me of that truth.
"Love is life's longing for itself, says the Prophet, in a book by Kahlil Gibran. For me, that comes the closest to explaining why we love you -- which is why we are working in this school district, why is why we are in this world. Because most of us -- teachers, principals, secretaries, coaches, administrators, patents, volunteers -- are not here for the money or the intellectual challenge or because we have no other choice; we are here for love.
"I myself did not sign on to this job for love. I signed on to the school board to pursue and social and political ideal. Three years later I have met with little success in that regard, but I gained something else instead. I have learned at gut level what I had known only in theory: that tangible results and official accomplishments are not the only measure of success in work and in life.
"The first years I was on the board I met with a group of Lakeridge kids to talk about school issues. These students came to my house once a month to share stories, ask questions, offer ideas; there were savvy and insightful and often drop-dead funny, open an generous, honest and thoughtful, and -- most amazingly -- they trusted me and each other. They taught me, by example, what I was really here for, and it wasn't the academic task. I was here for them, and for me, and for the connection between us. I was here for love.
"Caring, helping, supporting one another; feeling sympathy, affection, excitement; sharing a personal connection, being on the same wavelength: love is the sine qua non, the essential element, without which nothing we do has meaning or purpose or lasting value.
"But of course, love is not just warm and fuzzy, like a Hallmark card or a Meg Ryan movie -- as you probably know, it can be 10 parts pain to 1 part pleasure. No, it is both reward and punishment for being alive, for getting involved, for leading with your heart. I said to my friend, 16-year old Alexis, "I've decided to talk about love at graduation. Tell me something about love, Alexis." "Love," she says, "it sucks." So I had to give Alexis a copy of The Velveteen Rabbit -- we education people are always giving people books -- wherein the Skin Horse places the pain of love in its proper context, the context of being real.
When a child loves you for a long long time," the Skin Horse says, "not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up, or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen to toys who break easily, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But those things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can'y be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
"Which is to say, we are here because we need you as much as you need us -- you make us glad and proud, exhausted and used up -- you make us Real.
"Love is life's longing for itself. And we see our lives reflected in yours; in your incessant guitar-playing, your interminable phone conversations, your obsessions and idiosyncrasies...we see ourselves reflected in you, in your excuses and apathy and infuriating procrastination, in your heartbreaking misery and despair, in your painfully familiar self-consciousness and shyness, in your stubbornness, your impatience, your hopefulness when the odds are terrible, in your disappointment with the world, in your screw-ups and failures, in your energy and determination and fundamental goodness -- you remind us of nobody like ourselves. And thus you keep us connected -- hopeful, vulnerable, and still believing in love.
"So. I recommend that you stay open to taking the emotional venture, the personal risk, that you stay open to life and to love. Imperfect as it is, painful as it can be, it still comes back more than anything else ever will. When your heart lurches, trust it -- it knows the work you should be doing, the risk you should be taking, the person you should be getting to know.
"And if you remember nothing else from high school, not the Pythagorean Theorem or the taxonomic classifications, remember this: you are loved. That's why we are here. And everyone single one of you will be sorely missed -- as the Skin Horse said, it hurts sometimes."
Susan Blackman
Lakeridge High School graduation
June 5, 1997
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