Today was a difficult day. Didn't feel very well, had to reschedule an interview (for a month!), still sensing the social effects of last weekend's party. I'm not so thrilled with it. I'm going through pretty significant mood shifts, from enegized and carefree to nervous, introverted, and unsettled.

Hopkins doesn't give out pluses or minuses on its grades. So I missed the "A" cutoff for two classes, each by less than a percent, and so now I have two Bs. Dammit. One more grade left to receive for 1st term...a potential saving grace. It's not the end of the world if it doesn't work out, but I had stellar grades on my midterms so I felt like I should have had better grades locked up.

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It's strange that relationships often provide so little education about dating.

I went on my first date in a long time last week. She's another masters student in the public health school. The date went well -- the judges would have given me a 9 of 10 on execution, but I'm not sure what I would have received for artistic meric, or whatever the other category is called. Part of me thinks I'm out of practice -- I haven't really dated much in the last year or so....wait, make that the last five years or so....but I'm not sure that's it. There was something missing from the date, but I couldn't figure out what it was. Maybe she had fun, but she's just not interested in me, and I could sort of sense it. Or maybe I'm just not used to the first-date feeling of walking the emotional tightrope, careful not to lean too far in either direction.

Or maybe I'm just scared. It's a little odd to be dating again (not that 1 date really counts as "dating"), and it's more than a little worrisome to suddenly realize that I have to remember The Rules. Ugh. And not let it get in the way of school, which is actually going very well despite my grading complaints above. Anyway, I have this cycle in which I freak out about not being up-to-date on my dating technique, then realizing that The Rules are subjective and that I'm not chained to them, then realizing that dating shouldn't be this stressful, then realizing that I've only been on one date so far, so even if it didn't go well (which, again, I don't really know yet) it's not a big deal since I gave it a good shot. I chill out, a few hours pass, and I realize that I don't know what she thought of the date (although as time passes & she doesn't call back that gets more and more clear), so I freak out about the fact that I don't "date well." Or some paranoid anxiety like that. Cycle repeats. Sounds healthy, no? The good thing is that I've been through it before, and I know it goes away (for the most part), but right now I just have to get through it. Fun.

So I've jumped back into my exercise-until-you're-not-stressed routine. Sunday it was about 3 hours of weighlifting. Yesterday, basketball, albeit not enough. Today, rock climbing, which is good for the fear- and adrenaline-quotients, but not very good on the "run and run and run until every muscle burns so much that you don't care about silly emotional worries anymore" aspect. Maybe I just need to climb more. Or stop dating. I think I'll just climb more.

Bedtime.