Saturday, February 11, 2006

streams of consciousness

Med school can really screw with your emotions. While Case certainly isn't a cutthroat academic environment, there is always a fair amount of underlying competition that merely reflects the ridiculously large quantity of material to be learned. Even if you're not competing with your classmates, you're nearly always competing with yourself. It's impossible to learn everything that we're supposed to know, let alone learning it all in just a matter of weeks (each academic block is just a few weeks, so you can't put off learning the material for more than a couple days). No matter how hard you work, you will never learn it all. Never. The idea of "catching up" is just a poor excuse for a coping mechanism. "I'm almost caught up" is a common phrase around here...but what does it mean? You've reviewed the absolute bare minimum content for each lecture? Please. I'm just thankful that most of my friends and I have absolutely no clue as to how many times we'll actually need to cover this material until it gains the most meager foothold on our long term memories.

And most of all, I've never been this busy before. Not even close. Maybe during junior year when I was going 60+ hours of extracurricular junk each week and sleeping 4ish hours each weeknight. But that still doesn't compare with this. I've been trying to finish this entry for nearly two weeks, but free time really is a thing of the past. 10 or 15 minutes free here or there? Not really. If you think of walking home from school as free time, then maybe you're right. Tonight I brought a textbook to the gym for the first time, theoretically to read while I was on a stationary bike. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. It reminds me of a book I read a few years ago about students going through medical school. At one point, the author's roommate makes the fantastic discovery that if she puts each of her notecards in a plastic bag, she can study them while she's in the shower. That passage didn't sit well with me at the time, and it still doesn't now...but now I'm starting to understand it. And it seems like a very slippery slope.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It is a slippery slope, dude. Hold strong. While I admit, I do bring books to the gym on occassion, I also take time to lounge around with my roommates and watch the Olympics. Hold onto yourself man, and make the habit now. I can't say med school gets easier, but at some point, you have to find your balance. Hang in there! Love you! :)