TGIF...sort of

It's finally Friday...and I'm studying all night. We have a big exam (molecular biology, genetics, and development) on Monday morning, so this entire weekend will be dedicated to that cause. It has been an incredibly long time since I've studied on a Friday night (4 years? 5 years?), but it was an easy decision to make since (a) all my friends are doing the same thing, and (b) fear is a very strong motivator.

I talked with the Navy recruiter on Wednesday. It was a productive conversation, and I discovered that I don't have to finish the application until early next year, so I feel a lot better now that I don't have to panic and rush to finish the application. I still have a lot of issues to figure out in that regard, but fortunately I can wait until next week to think about them.

We formed our groups for Anatomy today. I think we'll "receive" (?) our cadavers next week...ought to be a pretty amazing/stunning/uncomfortable experience.

For the first time in recent memory, life is starting to get complicated again. The time requirements of school continue to grow and grow, and I'm starting to look ahead to extracurricular plans (AMSA, most likely in their policy group) and my HPSP/Navy decision. And that's just the start of it...

Back to the books.

Mood: Cautious, a little anxious, a little optimistic. Trying to focus.
Song: Gypsy Kings, "Galaxia" and Ozzy, "I Just Want You"

All I wanted...

...was to sleep. For nearly every waking moment today, I just wanted to stop listening/studying/working, curl up in a ball, and fall asleep on the floor. That's it. And, of course, now that I'm home and relaxed and trying to go to sleep, a million thoughts flood my head and sleep evades me...

Mood: Really, really confused
Song: Evanescence, "Anywhere"

The "To Do" List Keeps Growing...

Med school life is starting to get pretty busy. A month ago, I only had to handle 5 hours of lecture and an occasional meeting or review session. Now, though, it seems like each day is filled from morning to night with seemingly essential activities.

Today I had my first RAMP rotation (adolescent pediatrics @ Univ. Hospitals). It was a good educational experience. I'm still getting used to the idea of wearing a white coat...and having patients believe that I'm actually qualified to wear it. I had a good time in the clinic today, but I get the feeling that pediatrics might not be the best match to my interests. (I like kids, but I don't know if I want to spend my career doing well-child exams and ordering vaccinations.) Joking aside, the pediatricians I worked with today were exceptionally talented and I was thankful that they were so helpful/encouraging/supportive/instructive.

I'm not really looking forward to this week...it bodes of late nights, early mornings, endless reading, and more coffee. (sigh) I have a ton of "errands" (i.e., any non-academic task) to do: student loan determents, getting paperwork approved by the registrar, calling the Navy people, starting the HPSP application, sleeping (is an errand?!? nevermind, forget I wrote it), and more. And that's on top of the 1293812 hours of studying I have to do in the next six days. At least my weekly jujitsu class tomorrow evening will help with the stress, although last week I screwed up my ankle during class and that didn't help. Maybe tomorrow night I'll just take it a little easier than usual...

I've found that I get nervous about most of our non-classroom activities: patient communication workshops, physical diagnosis, etc. The strange thing is that I think I do pretty well in these sessions, especially the communication workshops, yet I still get nervous about them. I think most of it has to do with the fact that we're interacting with standardized patients. And, yes, I recognize that the purpose of standardized patients is to allow us to learn skills in a controlled, low-pressure environment...yet I feel that any environment in which I'm being tested on my interaction with patients will make for an inherently stressful interaction. Or something like that. Of course, I feel good about myself and the stress goes away each week when I complete each session and recognize that interacting with patients is something I do naturally. I just seem to forget that lesson each week.

Still working on the HPSP post. I'm hoping to call the Navy recruiter tomorrow afternoon to get some information, so perhaps I'll have more to write about by tomorrow night. Talking about stress...this decision certainly provokes it, yet I keep coming back to it, time and time again.

A friend commented tonight that the process of getting to know our new classmates is both fun and frustrating. How true that is. I think we've made it through a few different phases of getting to know each other...the working-hard-to-impress stage during the first week, the see-how-we-all-react-to-stress stage, the collective anxiety or discomfort with certain shared conversations/experiences, etc. Just a week or two ago, the pervasive question during our 10-minutes break between lectures was about which of our classmates would hook up/start dating/make a scene first. By this week, though, it seems like everyone agrees that those quesions are cliche/obsolete/no longer relevant. Perhaps it's because an exam is approaching and we won't risk the distraction; I'll wait a see if the same questions resume next week after the test.

At the same time, I realize that I've only been in Cleveland for six or seven weeks. To think that I actually know anybody yet seems quite premature...yet I feel like I already know who my friends are going to be. If that sounds confusing, then I probably explained it correctly.

Bedtime.

Mood: Anxious. And sleepy.
Song: Staind, "Right Here Waiting" / Patrick Park, "Something Pretty" / Speechwriters LLC, "Annie Dan"

Three years!

Wow -- it has been three years since I started this blog! It's pretty strange for me to think about. Three years ago I was disappointed with my job, getting rejected from med schools left and right (I really should have a retrospective post about my three years of med school applications), and was generally worried about where things were heading. Several dozen applications, three states, and one master's degree later, I'm finally where I want to be. And three years from now? I think I'll be applying to residencies. (shudder) For now I'm just thankful to have made it this far. :-)

I'm working on a post about my upcoming decision on whether I should apply for the Armed Forces Health Professions Scholarship Program...hopefully I'll finish that tomorrow sometime. In the meantime, I'm going to relax and enjoy my Saturday evening. Tomorrow is a big studying day.

Mood: Optimistic
Song: Queen, "Somebody to Love" and The Wallflowers, "Closer to You"

Finally

CNN:

Rep. Tom DeLay says he will step aside as House majority leader after a grand jury indicted him on a conspiracy charge, accusing him and two others of improperly funneling corporate donations to a Republican political action committee.

Hallelujah. It's about freaking time.

Everything Comes Together

I study at Starbucks all the time. Usually it's a great place to study, but there can be good days and bad days in the world of studying (as with anything else in life).

Tonight, I have the right level of noise, the right level of caffeine (which is certainly lower than you would expect), the right music, and my study materials in front of me. And everything is coming together...I've probably accomplished more in the last two hours of studying than in most of the last week. Let's just hope I can remember what I've learned tomorrow...

Mood: My classic intensity (just without the usual caffeine high)
Song: Dvorak's Symphony No.9 "From The New World" - IV. Allegro con fuoco

Good weekend

What a great weekend -- had a party on Friday, caught up on sleep, reorganized my room, finally set up our cable and internet, and started my serious studying for cell bio/genetics. For the first time since arriving in Cleveland, I finally feel like I'm moved in and settled. I'm not excited that tomorrow is Monday, but at least I feel prepared to start the week...

Mood: Calm, optimistic
Song: Ottmar Liebert, "Little Wing"